The Girl You Used to Be

As I started diving into samples, vetting products, try-on hauls…

I started to remember the person that I used to be…

She was stylish, she was fun, she always looked her best.  She was ready to go out and have fun with friends at the drop of the hat. She was bubbly, sassy, with a magnetic personality.  She always looked to the bright side, so it was no wonder she always lit up the room.  The world was truly sunshine and roses for her.

Somewhere between 2 kids, marriage, and an MS diagnosis… I had lost her. 

I had become this domestic homemaker who pretended not to care about all of that stuff.

It started out with baby #1. “Well I’m not going anywhere today,  so why waste my high end designer makeup when nobody besides this tiny human will see it?” 

Then it morphed into the nursing clothes, and finally the sweat pants when my body didn’t bounce back right away  (no lie ladies… it takes AT LEAST a year for your hips to shrink back to a manageable size. Dont forget those bad boys opened up like the jaws of JAWS to let that little nugget out of you lol). 

Along came baby #2 coupled with postpartum depression. I lived like a troll for the better part of 18 months. Like serious, bridge troll status.  The will to do anything was beyond me. And my heart truly breaks for the Mamas that go through it. It is something that nobody can ever prepare you for.

So now we are at 5 years of living like this….

I guess I had just forgotten how to be me.

And that puts us at 2019, and we ALL know how 2020 went lol. Helloooo sweatpants and no bras lol. Covid still seems like a dream. One day we were at Disney living our best lives, and five days later the world shut down for the year. (And blog for another day… my littlest has lived most of her life in COVID world, how CRAZY is that?! What an awful time to be a preschooler).

Fast forward to today. The last few years I’ve felt really disconnected. Not postpartum disconnected, but Universe disconnected.  I know I have skills and love to give to the world, but I didn’t know how to get it out. It’s like it was stuck in there just waiting for the cork to be unplugged. 

And for some background, I have been diligently looking and applying for “traditional jobs” since 2019 (before COVID), and it’s just not happened for me. 2 degrees, 16+ years of experience, and nothing but crickets.

Which is why I am where I am today. Freelancing and going my own way was the only option. When you are faced with sink or swim, you swim baby. And maybe that was God’s plan for me all along. To do the dang thing, teach others to do it, because I’m too extra for regular society. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been called extra lol.

And then one day I just decided to put on my face. No reason, just picking up my kids from school. But just BE who I LOVED to be. Did I still even love her???

It’s funny when you look like a bridge troll most of the time and then decide to be a human, how many people are shocked that you can look any other way than trollish lol. I’d giggle inside anytime anyone asked me where I was going or what the occasion was – Knowing that old me dressed like this every day.  Old me would work on her feet for 10+ hours a day in 5+ inch stilettos. My good ol retail days.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I notice a complete change in my mood when I put myself together versus when I don’t. Not just confidence or any of that, but my energy.

I feel ready to take on the world when I care about how I look.

And many would argue that women should not hang their whole world on this idea, but it’s true. Ask most women if they feel better about themselves when they do something different with their hair, buy a new outfit, wear the crazy shoes… I bet you most will say yes. 

Because we don’t do it for others. We do it for us.

We do it because we love the shoes. We love the hairstyle. We love trying new makeup ideas.

The latter half of my 20s were bogged down with babies and bullshit (MS), but my 30s are going to be different. I LOVED who I used to be. I live for fashion, I love to look good, I love being social and talking to people & making THEM  feel like they’re the most important person in the world.  God equipped me with the skills to SEE people, and ENCOURAGE them to keep going, no matter what. That’s my gift.

And while that girl might look a little bit different.
Older.
Wiser.
More mature.

She’s still in there.

Navigating your 30s is about blending who you used to be, with who you are becoming, and reevaluating who you thought you’d be.

My life certainly did not turn out as planned- but that doesn’t make it bad.
All you have to do is adjust your sails and embrace the way the wind is blowing, instead of being a headstrong 20 year old and telling it where to blow.

Here’s to being a stylish 30-something-ish Mama.

*ps* my little secret… there WILL be a boutique coming! Make sure you are on my email list, so you’ll be one of the first to be notified. Vetted, tried and true affordable fashions for all of us Mamas who still want to look cute.