This year felt like a rollercoaster, filled with its highs and lows. At times I experienced the success that I had been striving for my entire life; something that made me feel proud of my hard work.
Despite these moments filled with triumph, balancing this newfound success was difficult in such a huge world. Growing into an ocean of unfamiliarity was intimidating. It was a unique feeling of worthiness counteracted by an overwhelming sense of insignificance. As much as I had grown and achieved throughout the year, the results still could not quell my newfound anxieties.
Looking back, I realize now that my career success caused me to neglect a lot of things, most importantly my own internal dialogue. Instead of taking the time to figure out what I truly wanted in life, I lay down and went with the flow- always the agreeable one.
Unfortunately, these opportunities never really matched what I wanted deep down. And for a while there was this emptiness inside which made it worse.
In my attempt to find a comfortability in the larger world, I ended up alienating myself from the ones closest to me. It was a wake-up call when my children’s complaints started surfacing; being unavailable in all the ways that mattered had taken its toll. I had foolishly exchanged quality time with them for an obsessive focus on my work and career.
My mistake was a reminder that real success comes from investing more of ourselves into the relationships around us instead of throwing all of our energy into something outside of ourselves.
Eventually, I had an epiphany and understood that I already had the answers within – all along my ‘true’ voice had been inside me desperate to be heard again. It was empowering to recognize that she was strong enough AS IS and that I had no reason to feel small, foolish, or unimportant.
2023 marks a new start for me, one I wish I’d taken sooner. I’m looking forward to making the visions in my head a reality, rather than just daydreaming about them. I’m excited to reset and bring balance back into my life; realigning my work around my life – instead of my life around my work. I’m excited to use the tools I already possess to bring about what I know already exists within me- I just needed the courage to step out boldly.